My life has been pretty weird lately. I moved in with my friends Heather, Steven, and Emily about two-ish months ago. I couldn’t ask for better roommates. My room is cozy and the neighborhood has become my family. My love life is a joke like all things usually are for me but I’m copping alright I suppose. I’ll be 21 in a few months. That freaks me out. I don’t ever want to be 21. It has such a weird stigma attached and I feel like once I’m old enough to buy a beer I have to be old enough to make my bills on time and eat more then just Top Ramen- I’m not ready for that I don’t think. I got rid of my car. I ride a bike now. Yeah, that’s what I’ve amounted to. I don’t mind it because I need to exercise but it kinda blows when it’s snowing. I only work a mile from my house and everyone else rides so it’s not too shabby. I find myself in the same mess I’m always in but each time it feels so different. I still think about Brandon which hurts but I’ve learned to understand what happened and what I can be and do to make sure I never make someone feel so terrible that they feel the need to leave me while I sleep and never look back. My relationship with my dad is a joke but when has it ever not been? I miss my sister but at some point I just realized that I can’t let him hold any power over me. We just need to all live our own separate lives. If I ever have kids I don’t want to make them feel like I only care about them so I can look at myself with dignity. That’s not a parent. That’s not even a friend. I am a mess but I hope that as time passes it will stop being strange to exist in such a whirlwind of chaos. I’m not sure what I want. I don’t even know who looks at this blog but if you’ve gotten this far, I apologize.